Dog Groomer

You're a hairdresser for animals that bite. Every dog is 'friendly' according to their owner — right up until you touch their paws, and then it's the Thunderdome. You go home covered in fur from 15 different breeds, smelling like wet dog and lavender shampoo in equal measure. The before-and-after photos are genuinely stunning and your Instagram following is better than you'd expect. It's physical, chaotic, occasionally bloody (yours, not theirs), and weirdly one of the most satisfying jobs on earth when a matted disaster walks out looking like a show dog.

What you'll actually do

• 01Wrestle a 90-pound dog into a bathtub while it acts like you're committing a war crime
• 02Nod politely when an owner shows you a picture of a poodle cut and their dog is a golden retriever
• 03Get bitten by a chihuahua that weighs 4 pounds but fights like it weighs 400
• 04Express anal glands — which you will never, ever get used to no matter how many years you do this
• 05Spend an hour removing matted fur and then get blamed by the owner for cutting it 'too short'
• 06Blow-dry a dog that acts like the dryer is a weapon of mass destruction sent to end its bloodline
• 07Fall in love with a puppy mid-groom — right up until it pees on you

Career Path

Where this role sits in the bigger picture — and where it can take you.